The process of learning what God has ordained for us to learn happens in the process of doing what God has ordained for us to do. Riding a bike isn’t learned by knowing that people ride bikes and observing them do so. Riding a bike happens when you ride your own bike. Learning to make disciples doesn’t happen when we talk about it or watch others do it. Learning to make disciples happens when we are doing it ourselves.
This truth applies in developing relational skills as well. The Bible says to bless those who curse you and pray for those who mistreat you. We can talk about it, celebrate sermons about it and sing songs about it. But until this pain is felt in our own lives, we can’t dig deeper into the purpose only discovered by walking it out.
The key to great friendship is kindness at the expense of your own happiness from both people in the relationship.
Friendship, marriage, children and plants all reflect the care they’re given.
Rom 12:9-10 Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. 10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. ESV
Friendship in marriage done right means both people marry up because Jesus is at work in your spouse! Friendship and marriage done wrong perpetuate anguish on the deepest level.
Jared and Hannah have an amazing story. Recently I sought their permission to share their story and wrote a well-packed expression to inspire hope in all of our lives. Their response to what I wrote is deeply impacting. My explanation of the details went as follows: Jared and Hannah met, fell in love and got married Sept 22, 2013. The joy of marriage took a turn and slowly they drifted apart until the pain of their relationship led to separation and ultimately divorce just five years later. God began doing a deep work in both of their hearts. Jared began reaching out to Hannah to pursue the reconciliation of their marriage. Hannah’s heart ached at the thought, but God was doing a deep work in her as well. 7 years after their original anniversary day on September 22 of this year Jared and Hannah stood before their four-year-old daughter, Magnolia, demonstrating God’s power to restore their relationship as they were married again on their actual wedding anniversary.
Hannah and Jared’s response:
First Hannah wrote, “Here’s a more authentic version of what happened (things weren’t just fine and dandy from the beginning and then they fell apart, they were essentially always broken).
It’s a miracle we got married in the first place. We did love each other, but not well. We got married because it was the next step, not because it was the right timing or we were in the right place to do so.
We were not each other’s best friend, we acted more like opposing teams. Keeping score, resenting one another for mistakes made and holding grudges. We had enough good times to stay together for as long as we did. But ultimately, that wasn’t enough.
We were tithing and going to church - but we weren’t putting God first (or even second or third) in our relationship, in our family or in our individual lives.
Jared was numb to me because of the disrespect I showed him. I was emotionally unstable because of the lack of trust (that started early on in our relationship).
We wanted to be perfect for anyone looking at us, but the truth is that we were the farthest thing from that.
When Jared left I initially prayed for restoration and then completely bailed on that thought a few months later. I had told a family friend that I wasn’t going to walk away from my marriage until God released me, but I DID walk away. Reconciliation was no longer an option.
Jared attempted a conversation 3-4 times prior to THE time that actually shifted gears for me.
I would always ask him, what has changed? And nothing had. So knowing we don’t do well together, I wasn’t about to subject myself to it again with no change in sight. Honestly, it’s all pretty confusing. How did we get here??
When we officially got divorced - not too much changed. We were still trying to co-parent but it was hard. Somehow Jared got me to agree to meet with him ONE more time to “talk” and this time he was sincere. He admitted that he was the most prideful person that he knew and he didn’t want to live life like that anymore. For the first time in any of our conversations I believed him.
I didn’t know why, it was just the simple fact that his eyes were opening. I was really proud of him.
When I think of it in the natural I go, how in the world could I forgive? How in the world could I try again? I’m sure Jared feels the same. The mountain looked too big to even attempt to climb or even crawl.
Truly, I think God’s mercy has been heavily drenched over us. The things in the natural that seem impossible are simply possible with His grace.
It’s not something that’s easily put into words. It’s the peace that is directly tied to and associated with the day to day activities and moments and “little things”.
We aren’t magically “all good” now. We are in counseling almost weekly talking it out with someone who isn’t biased and who sees the bigger picture. We argue, we disagree. But we’re gaining the tools here in the natural to gain self control and do it BETTER. And we’re trusting God with the rest. Trying to be obedient and to share the truth about His love, His faithfulness, His ability to make something beautiful out of the broken pieces of this thing called life.
It has been a wild ride.”
Jared chimed in agreeing with what Hannah wrote and also said, “God is so faithful, His mercies are new and ever present to us. Each day we put Him as the center of our relationship and now household and release our worries, doubts and struggles to Him. We used to just hold it in or deal with it on our own.
What a roller coaster it’s been...it’s one of those ones that is really scary because of all the spins and flips, the ups/downs, so you give up out of fear thinking you can’t do it. I got back on the ride, I strapped myself in as tight as possible and conquered that initial fear. There are still bumps, an occasion malfunction, but they are minor and manageable because we are strapped in tight by God’s grace.”
Eternal purpose produces a sacrificial expression of this life. This kind of sacrifice is what unlocks true life and this is why the example of Jesus Christ is so important.
2 Cor 8:9 You know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich. NIV
Our willingness to live sacrificially putting others before ourselves glorifies God, dignifies others and validates God’s Kingdom in the earth! When I forgive Tracy or Tracy forgives me it glorifies God revealing the true treasure of a relationship.
William Booth, Founder The Salvation Army, has established an incredible legacy of sacrifice honoring Jesus and glorifying God. 35,000 people attended his funeral grieving his loss and celebrating his life. It was said of him, “His lifelong love affair with wife Catherine resulted in some of the most beautiful expressions of godly affection in the Christian Church. All of his children were involved in ministry.”
Ephesians five speaks of guidelines for families and specifically addresses husbands and wives saying we are to “Submit to one another in the fear of God.” (Eph 5:21) NKJV The treasure of marriage is discovered in the fear of the Lord.
What’s it like for 4 year old Magnolia to grow up in the atmosphere of love, forgiveness and restoration that her parents have embraced? What is unlocked in the hearts of children who grow up in the atmosphere of God’s treasured Kingdom?
If children live in an atmosphere of criticism, they learn to condemn
atmosphere of hostility, they learn to fight.
atmosphere of pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves
atmosphere of ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
atmosphere of shame, they learn to feel guilty.
atmosphere of praise, they learn appreciation.
atmosphere of acceptance, they learn to love.
atmosphere of sharing, they learn generosity.
atmosphere of honesty, they learn truthfulness.
atmosphere of encouragement, they learn confidence
What kind of atmosphere does your life provide for your children? What is the atmosphere of your life, your home and ultimately your heart? God desires to reach into the deep areas of our existence to draw out the deposits of God’s Kingdom that he planted within us.
Sacrificial generosity as a way of life unlocks eternal value in your life and in the lives of others. The truth is God wants your life to be awesome, but that truth comes with a trick. The trick is God doesn’t want you to pursue an awesome life for yourself. God wants you to provide an awesome life for others and that is what will make your life awesome.
Gen 12:2 I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. NIV
The purpose of His blessing in our lives is to perpetuate the eternal priorities of Jesus as we become a blessing.
We Bring GP2RL Action Point:
Listen, pray and write thank you cards to someone who you treasure in your life this week.
Remember we bring God’s presence to real life in every realm of society and on every level of community. This is how we are focusing in on doing this
BLESS:
B - Begin with prayer. I will practice God’s presence as I pray for people in my life and places I go.
Who do you live work and play with that are far from God. Pray that God would create spiritual curiosity in them and then spend time with them.
L – Listen: I will listen to and discover the needs of others, the places where God is at work.
In your interactions with others today take the posture of a learner. Lay down your assumptions and practice being present.
E – Eat: I will share meals. and spend time with others in my life. Who can you eat with or have a coffee with that is far from God?
A coworker over lunch a friend or family member during the day or a neighbor over the weekend?
S - Serve - I will respond to the needs of others and help them in practical and impactful ways.
Who will you serve this week? Who do you know that has a practical need? Ask them how you can help.
S – Story: I will share the story of Jesus and what he is doing in my life with others.
Start by sharing how God has blessed you and. Made a difference in your life.
Make some time this week to write something specific in thank you cards to people who matter to you the most. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you by speaking something to you to encourage this person.
DISCUSSION GUIDE FOR COMMUNITY GROUP LEADERS
Click here for a downloadable pdf file of this guide.
UNDERSTANDING THE SEASON: Our pursuit of God has, in many ways, been reduced to the pursuit of asking God to give us worldly treasure. The Kingdom of God is a sacrificial Kingdom that is built on the sacrifice of Jesus and the continued sacrifice of God’s sons and daughters.
Isa 33:6 He will be the sure foundation for your times, a rich store of salvation and wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the LORD is the key to this treasure.
Kingdom Treasure is found in a deeper pursuit of the things that truly matter. This true treasure of God’s Kingdom is central to the understanding that we are blessed to be a blessing!
We want to start our group meetings making room for conversation that brings confirmation that God is speaking to us all as we discuss what we are hearing from the Lord as a family:
DISCUSSION QUESTION:
1. Where are you reading in your Bible and what are you sensing from God?
Friendship, marriage, children and plants all reflect the care they’re given.
DISCUSSION QUESTION:
2. What are some ways you have cared for meaningful relationships in your life?
Rom 12:9-10 Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. 10 Love one another with
brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. ESV
DISCUSSION QUESTION:
3. This idea of showing honor may be somewhat foreign in our culture. What do you believe this means and what are some specific ways we can show honor to those we care about so much?
God’s plan is to bless us on purpose so we learn to become a blessing to others as a result of God’s blessing in our lives.
Gen 12:2 I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. NIV
DISCUSSION QUESTION:
4. What are the primary differences between the person in a relationship who is pursuing happiness versus the person in a relationship who is providing happiness for the other person.
The truth is God wants your life to be awesome. The trick is He has designed you to provide an awesome life for others rather than to pursue an awesome life for yourself. That’s what will make your life so awesome.
We Bring GP2RL in every realm of society and on every level of community ACTION POINT:
Listen, pray and write thank you cards to someone who you treasure in your life this week.
Remember we bring God’s presence to real life in every realm of society and on every level of community.
This is how we are focusing in on doing this: BLESS
B - Begin with prayer. I will practice God’s presence as I pray for people in my life and places I go.
L - Listen: I will listen to and discover the needs of others, the places where God is at work.
E - Eat: I will share meals. and spend time with others in my life.
Who can you eat with or have a coffee with that is far from God?
S - Serve: I will respond to the needs of others and help them in practical and impactful ways.
S - Story: I will share the story of Jesus and what he is doing in my life with others