EPHESIANS 4:11-16; 29 And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. ESV
EPHESIANS 5:15-16 Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. ESV
The Problem: Connecting in a Digital Age
1. Technology has many great advantages! But also comes with new and different problems.
2. Increased our communication capacity but decreased the attentiveness and availability to communicate well with people in front of us.
3. Communication inflation: the more and more of available anything becomes the less and less of valuable it is.
4. Technology has provided a way for human beings to have more and more relationships that operate at our convenience. We are multitasking each other, safely keeping each other in our inboxes.
5. Over-communicate yet under-connected. We are texting each other but not touching each other. High-tech yet low-touch experiences. We are available to the masses yet our souls wither for lack of connection.
6. Edward Everett 2 hour speech at Gettysburg. Lincoln gave less than 3 min and only 272 words and is remembered forever.
7. We don’t need more communication, we need more precise and vulnerable dialogue.
Words Matter to God
There was nothing and then God spoke and created everything.
1. God made words to have creative power. (Gen. 1:1/ Prov. 18:21/ John 6:63)
A. The power can be used for good or evil. (Prov. 18:21)
1. GOOD:
-God creates with words, few words.
-The WORD became flesh to heal and deliver us.
-With Jesus words are Spirit and Life (John 6:63)
-With Words we lead, comfort, love, forgive, make peace, impart hope and joy, heal.
2. EVIL (Destructive )
-The fall didn’t start with eating the wrong fruit but when Satan began to speak.
-Eve was deceived for the lack of critical dialogue.
-Listening to Satan displaces humanity from the will of God.
- 7 things the Lord hates and 3 have to do with words: Prov. 6:16-18 (a) Lying tongue (b) False witness. (c) Sowing discord among brothers.
-With words lie (attempt to create our own reality), slander, accuse, destroy, distort God’s character, and disfigure God’s image bearers.
*When people say “words are empty,” they are not saying words have no power. They are saying they do not trust the one speaking them will follow through with what they have said. The words still had power… words had the power to reveal the heart. The words revealed someone’s character.
2. Due to the power of words God will hold us accountable. (Matt. 12:36,37)
A. Context is Important
1. Pharisee’s calling Jesus demonic.
2. Addressing evil hearts that manipulate others through their words.
3. These manipulating use of words reveals a heart that does not revere God nor is pervaded with God’s love.
4. Words are one of humanities’ greatest resources yet we do not take an account or consider how we are investing our words.
B. Words Matter Because Our Life Matters
1. Our life, choices, and actions have some effect on eternity.
2. If there was no account of how we lived our lives then our lives would be meaningless.
3. God calls us to Redeem our Words
A. Speaking the Truth in Love (Eph. 4:11-32)
1. The 5 ministry gifts are given to: (a) equip the saints work of ministry. (b) build up the body of Christ. (v. 11-13a)
2. Until… (a) we all attain unity of faith and knowledge of Christ (b) mature together into the fullness of Christ. (v. 13b-14)
3. We grow together towards this by.. Speaking the Truth in Love. (v. 15-16)
B. Imparting Grace with Our Words (Eph. 4:29)
1. Grace= God’s empowering Presence that enables us to do what He has called us to do and to be what He has called us to be. Grace is God’s action on our behalf.
2. Grace is what saves humanity. “For by grace you have been saved…(Eph. 2:8)
3. We can speak in such a way that God’s grace is made available to those who hear.
4. This is redeeming conversation! When our conversations with others make God’s grace available to them in ways they were not aware of prior to our words.
Practical Ways to Redeem Conversations
I. Listening
A. Redeeming Conversations begins with listening.
1. Most of God’s redemptive acts in human history came about because God took time to listen! “I have heard the cry of my people…"
2. “Be careful how you hear…” (Luke 8:18)
3. Three components to communication: speaker (transmitter), the message (meaning), and the listener (receiver).
4. If words are seeds the one speaking is sowing then the listening is the soil.
5. Jesus teaches us that the soil of the listening that determines the degree to which the other receives the message is the heart.
6. The precondition of one’s heart determines how they hear.
B. Tilling the Soil for Redeeming Conversations:
1. Taking time to process what is going on in our own heart and life.
2. 2014 University of Virginia study: would you rather have 15 min of silence for your thoughts or be shocked by a strong electrical current for a few seconds? 67% of men and 27% of woman chose to be shocked.
3. US Admiral studying why PTSD rates were so higher in those returning from Vietnam vs. WWII, observed, “The soldiers returning from WWII had to come back on a very long transcontinental boat ride. Soldiers returning from Vietnam could be on the battlefield one day and fly back to their hometown within 24 hours. One group had a chance to process what they experienced together, the other did not.
4. Taking time in Prayer and with trusted others to process what is going on in our busy lives is a way of tilling the soil of our hearts.
5. We will not be able to listen to others or God with a heart that is preoccupied, anxious and chaotic.
6. Taking time to be still before God, to be silent or in solitude with God, helps us to discover what is really going on in our own souls. Learning to listen to our own souls will only make us better prepared to listen to God and others.
“….as our inward life fails, we go more constantly and desperately to the post-office. You may depend on it, that the poor fellow who walks away with the greatest number of letters, proud of his extensive correspondence, has not heard from himself this long while.” -Henry David Thoreau
C. The Holy Spirit will Help us See and Hear!
1. We often listen in order to respond, not in order to understand the other.
2. We often listen for ideas instead of listening to people.
3. Listening is more about not doing certain things than doing certain things: not interrupting, thinking about response, putting down agenda’s, etc.
4. Turn off judgement part, in order to listen to the other. NOT the same thing as agreeing with everything you hear, but not needing to make a decision about it in that moment. (Non-anxious and Non-judgmental presence)
5. Holy Spirit often helps us by increasing the space between stimulus and response. (Respond vs. React)
D. Listening for the heart, for what is eternal.
1. Seeking to understand and then to be understood.
2. Responding with Empathy: AT’s story- “Sorry, I can’t imagine how helpless you felt.”
3. If we are going to mourn with those who mourn, we need to know what the other is mourning.
4. We are not called to fix someone’s mourning, but to make sure they know they are not alone.
5. You can never go wrong with listening, but you can really go right without it.
6. The love one another we must first listen to one another.
Conclusion:
God desires us to redeem the way we interact. Relationships are not automatic and thrive or die on communication. Our words are the first way we love and minister to each other. So let us consider how we are using them. Acts 3:1-10, “Look at Us.” Why did Peter and John want the man to look at them? Perhaps it was because he felt invisible, unseen, unnoticed, and unloved. And Peter and John wanted the man to know they saw him. The lame man was seen and not just by Peter and John, but by Jesus!
We Bring GP2RL Action Point:
Slow down this week and take time to listen. Listen to your own heart, to God, and listen to someone else. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you hear the heart of the other.
DISCUSSION GUIDE FOR COMMUNITY GROUP LEADERS
UNDERSTANDING THE SEASON: Words are powerful! God created everything and sustains it all by his word. God sent his WORD to redeem us and awaken life-giving conversation that transforms us and everyone around us. In this season will grow in more effective conversation with God and with others.
God’s plan is for us to hear his voice together as a family. This is why we start each group with the first question:
DISCUSSION QUESTION:
1. Where are you reading in your Bible and what are you sensing from God?
Ask each person in your group to answer the discussion questions below after reading the verses. Don’t move on to the next question until everybody who is willing to share has had the opportunity to give their perspective.
EPHESIANS 4:11-16; 29 And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. ESV
EPHESIANS 5:15-16 Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. ESV
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:
2. Have each person give a 60 second summary of what these verses are saying, in their own words.
3. What do these verses teach us about God?
4. What do these verses teach us about people?
5. What should you do this week in response to what we are reading and what God is revealing?
6. Who comes to mind when considering a person you might share this with this week?
We Bring GP2RL Action Point:
Slow down this week and take time to listen. Listen to your own heart, to God, and listen to someone else. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you hear the heart of the other.