You might be surprised to discover the ability to “stonewall” others is actually the misappropriation of a God-given skill. To develop this skill and use it correctly can greatly enhance our prayer lives. If you’ve ever been stonewalled before you know that a warm relationship can suddenly become characterized by purposeful distance as an offended person withholds their heart from the relationship.
Usually, it is out of frustration that this process is initiated and we begin to withhold attention and affection. Emotional interaction comes to a halt. Conversation tends to be minimized to the least number of words possible to further reiterate an angry disconnection. Married couples suffering this misappropriation of their God-given skill find themselves back-to-back in bed at night giving just enough room between them for the enemy to slither into his position ensuring further self-talk promoting division.
Stonewalling is withholding the powerful emotion of your heart from someone to teach them how if will cost them if they cross. This is manipulative, self-serving, divisive and demonic. Sadly, I admit I’ve done this in my own marriage and it grieves me to think about how far this is from my call to love my wife as Christ loves the church. I’m thankful for his grace. I’m thankful for her grace.
This ability to withhold your heart is a God-given ability. When it’s used correctly it protects you from temptation. “Sinful opportunities” emerge but we withhold our affection refusing to step onto the slippery slope by stepping completely away from the situation. The temptation has come but I refuse to allow any part of my heart to be engaged in the conversation. Samson gives us an example to consider of what not to do.
Judges 14:1-3 Then Samson went down to Timnah and saw (a Philistine woman). 2 So he came back and told his father and mother, “I saw a woman (now) get her for me as a wife.” 3 Then his father and his mother said to him, “Is there no woman among the daughters of your relatives, or among all our people, that you go to take a wife from the uncircumcised Philistines?” But Samson said to his father, “Get her for me, for she looks good to me…7 Then he went down and talked with the woman, and he liked her. (NIV)
The first recorded words from his mouth were: “I saw a woman” and he goes on to say, “she looked good to me.” He saw her. She looked good. He talked to her. He liked her. This is the typical progression of surface level relationships in our sexualized culture that is totally based on physical appearance and an initial impression. After all, if you see them, they look good, you talk to them and you like them then what could go wrong?
Some of the best dating advice is simply, “Take the time to read the mail.” The Bible clearly says how, “out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matt 12:34). Don’t rush past friendship where you learn what actually exists beneath the surface where we discover the substance of what’s truly in a person’s heart. Often we reference the three month challenge as a challenge to do nothing relational beyond friendship for three months just getting to know each other. So many times people who are having marriage problems can easily explain how they met and how they fell in love but very few can explain how they became friends. In our sexualized culture it is all too easy to bypass friendship all together. The problem is that friendship is the foundation of any great marriage.
Samson fell in love but neglected to inspect what was truly in the heart. He finds himself in the embrace of Delilah a few chapters later and everything God has entrusted to his care is at risk. She begins asking him over and over about the secret to his strength so he finally gives her a response.
Judges 16:7 Samson answered, "If anyone ties me w seven fresh bowstrings… (NIV)
Of course, there is no mention of his hair in his response. He wouldn’t consider giving her that kind of information right up front. He breaks free from her effort to restrain him and she begins badgering him again so he gives another response.
Judges 16:11 He said, "If anyone ties me securely with new ropes that have never been used, I'll become weak (NIV)
The same thing happens so she begins badgering him further. Something interesting happens this time as he grows disastrously comfortable with the interaction.
Judges 16:13 He replied, "If you weave the seven braids of my hair into the fabric … (NIV)
Suddenly he’s talking about his hair. He’s not telling the truth but he’s now mentioning his hair. He would have never started there but gradually he has slipped into a place of compromise and it will ultimately lead to sudden loss of all that matters to him in this life.
Judges 16:17 So he told her everything. "No razor has ever been used on my head… (NIV)
Samson was this legendary Israelite warrior and judge. Sin cost him his anointing, his eyes (his vision) and ultimately his position of influence. We all need to understand sin costs us more than we realize. This is why stonewalling the enemy is so important!
Your deepest passion should be solely reserved for the Lord, Jesus Christ!
If you don’t learn to stonewall the enemy you will gradually be consumed by your own misguided passion. Your passion can cause you to be consumed by a world of, stunning cars, thrilling sporting events, great films, trendy fashion, powerful positions, financial success, lovely ladies or gorgeous guys. Whatever it is that consumes your mind takes control of your life. This is why stonewalling the enemy is so important!
Stonewalling is about self-control. It’s common to think prayer produces self-control. But self-control is a fruit of the spirit that actually produces a more effective prayer life.
1 Peter 4:7 ”…Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. NIV
David says in Ps 66 if I regard iniquity in my heart, it hinders my prayers. To stonewall the enemy is to focus your attention and your affection on the one who gave everything so you could live, truly live. Gal 5:16 live by the spirit and you’ll not fulfill the lust of the flesh.
Everyone is created for abundant life! But this is a choice and the more we allow ourselves to be consumed with things we shouldn’t, the more complicated it becomes to choose the narrow path that seems to be such an obviously good choice.
We Bring GP2RL Action Point:
Practice stonewalling the enemy very intentionally every day this week.
ALGORITHMS: Stonewalling
DISCUSSION GUIDE
Click here for a downloadable pdf file of this guide.
We have been given power to become all God has designed us to become. God’s master design involves a elaborately perpetual and ultimately unstoppable process.
John 1:12 But as many as received him, to them (he gave) power to become the sons(and daughters) of God, even to them that believe on his name. KJV
We are all in the process of becoming and what we process determines who we become. Our 2022 New Year’s Revelation as a church family is EVERYONE IS CREATED FOR ABUNDANT LIFE!
The devil comes to steal, kill and destroy but realize the aim of death is not to kill you but to keep you from the fulness of life until you die. Distraction is destruction of what could have been in your life.
John 10:10b “...I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance [to the full, till it overflows].” Amplified
God’s plan is for us to hear his voice together as a family. This is why we start each group with this question first:
DISCUSSION QUESTION:
1. Where are you reading in your Bible and what are you sensing from God?
Ask each person in your group to answer the discussion questions below after reading the verses. Realize there is great power in just reading the Bible together and allowing the Holy Spirit to awaken his conversational nature in the group.
Judges 14:1-3 Then Samson went down to Timnah and saw (a Philistine woman). 2 So he came back and told his father and mother, “I saw a woman (now) get her for me as a wife.” 3 Then his father and his mother said to him, “Is there no woman among the daughters of your relatives, or among all our people, that you go to take a wife from the uncircumcised Philistines?” But Samson said to his father, “Get her for me, for she looks good to me…7 Then he went down and talked with the woman, and he liked her. (NIV)
1 Peter 4:7 ”…Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. NIV
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:
2. Have each person give a 60 second summary of what these verses are saying, in their own words.
3. What do these verses teach us about God?
4. What do these verses teach us about people?
5. What should you do this week in response to what we are reading and what God is revealing?
6. Who comes to mind when considering a person you might share this with this week?
We Bring GP2RL Action Point:
Practice stonewalling the enemy very intentionally every day this week.