He said to him [Peter] the third time, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love me?”
John 21:17
We live in an egocentric culture, and egos are fragile. To ask Peter three times if he loved Jesus would be considered rude by some. But not to Jesus. It was love, and it was help. Jesus was not concerned about Peter’s ego but his restoration. Jesus knew the difference between pain that leads to harm and pain necessary for healing. Peter’s shame and disappointment with himself because of his past betrayal was pain that was going to harm him. The pain, sorrow, and discomfort that Peter felt during this confrontation was a healthy pain that led to wholeness.
The repetition of this question is obviously important. Some have suggested that Jesus asked one time for each time Peter betrayed Him. Others make a point that Jesus asks if Peter loves Him using one Greek word for love and Peter responds with another Greek word for love. Both observations are valid and may be important. What is clear, though, is that Jesus knew what He was doing and that asking three times was important to Him.
Two of the best ways we learn things is by repetition and by a strong emotional experience. For example, an Elementary teacher may hold up a picture of George Washington and describe him with some facts. She’ll then lower the picture and have the class repeat the facts. Then she raises the picture again and asks, “Who is this?” And by repetition the mind makes space for the information. That is a valid and proven method.
The other is quicker and more effective but also has some difficulty. A dad tells his son not to touch the stove; it’s hot. He repeats this over and over again. However, the boy does not know that one can learn by repetition, and he touches the hot stove. He learns the stove is hot and what hot feels like through a strong, painful, emotional experience.
Both methods are valid, but one causes more pain. We want to learn about good things through experience and bad things through listening to others. Wisdom teaches a person to learn by listening and observing others and then how to apply what we have learned to our situation. Foolish people have to learn everything by experience because they will not listen. Proverbs 26:11 states, “As a dog returns to his vomit so a fool returns to his folly.”
The three times that Jesus asked Peter this question are both examples of repetition and strong, painful, emotional experiences. Each time Jesus asked was more and more revealing. However, the questioning also revealed the heart of restoration.
Jesus was not asking because He lacked information. He was asking for one of two reasons: Jesus was either confronting Peter’s false sense of love for Him, or He was revealing to Peter that he really did love Him.
This question-confrontation was a learning experience, and Jesus was the Teacher and Peter the student. Jesus was revealing to Peter through each question that deep down Peter really did love Jesus. Jesus was restoring Peter’s faith in himself and revealing to Peter that he really did love Him. Peter’s betrayal caused him to doubt his devotion to Jesus, not Jesus’ devotion to him. Peter’s brokenness over that night was evidence that he did love Jesus. Mark’s gospel tells us Peter went out by himself and wept bitterly.
Oftentimes, the same is true for us. The conviction of the Lord is not to only show us where we have failed but to challenge how we understand ourselves in light of God. If a person lies and becomes convicted, this reveals that they are a truth teller, not a liar; liars do not become convicted when telling lies. Jesus was, in essence, showing Peter that he really did love Him, and that Jesus knew that. Jesus does not ask, “Peter, why did you betray me?” He asks, “Peter, do you love me?” The issue was not removing the doubt, but restoring the confidence in Peter’s devotion to Jesus. Peter did act cowardly the night of betrayal, but that does not mean that he did not love Jesus. It means he lacked the courage necessary to express the love that he had. This is why many great thinkers throughout history made courage a prime virtue, for without it the other virtues cannot be acted upon.
The heart of restoration is not only to forgive, but also to return something to its original intent. Jesus took Peter back to the origin of the issue and let Peter see that he really did love Him. He was bringing Peter his wholeness. Peter was becoming whole again by regaining an awareness of who he really was. He was a disciple of Jesus!
Because Jesus has risen from the dead, we have the hope of restoration, the hope of wholeness, the hope of knowing who we are before God and living in the reality of His love. Confrontation is an invitation. Is the Lord confronting you? Can you hear Him ask you, “Do you love me?”