He said to him a third time, “Simon, son of Jonah, do you love me?”
Peter was grieved because He said to him a third time, “Do you love me?”
John 21:17
Guilt is not good for you. Most people understand that; but when asked if they should never experience guilt, most people still think they need it. This is called neurotic. Guilt leads to condemnation, and condemnation leads to death. This is why in Jesus’ death condemnation was removed from those who believe (Rom. 8:1).
Guilt is focused on self and is motivated by fear and anger. Guilt is the functioning reality of a legalistic mindset. The law or legalist mentality is focused on the self’s relationship to the rules. Guilt asks questions like: Am I bad? Am I being good? Am I sinning? The reason guilt never leads to growth is that the person experiencing guilt moves into trying to relieve the guilty feeling instead of dealing with the issue. The goal of a guilt-ridden conscience is to be good. The presupposition is that being bad is the problem, and therefore being good is what will save us. But that is not the good news of Christian salvation and formation. The problem is not our badness—that is a symptom. The problem is we have been separated from God who is the source of life. Therefore, reconciliation is the goal of salvation and formation.
This is one of the curses of the fall. God told Adam and Eve not to eat of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Why? He knew that when they ate they would be concerned about being good rather than being connected to Him. As created beings, we do not have the ability to be good apart from intimacy with God. Enjoyment of and intimacy with God is what sustains us, not knowledge of good and evil.
The alternative to guilt is a godly sorrow (2 Cor. 7:10). Godly sorrow is not about being good but being concerned about the relationship. It’s focus is on how my actions are affecting the ones I love. Godly sorrow is focused on the relationship, and its motivation is love. Love, therefore, moves people to repentance; guilt and shame impotent to bring repentance. Godly sorrow asks questions like: How will this decision affect the ones I love? Am I protecting the relationships that are important to me? Am I being truthful? Am I learning from my mistakes and failures?
As Jesus restores Peter, He does not show Him which of the commandments he had broken or the punishment that he deserved. He does not have to. He confronts Peter about the relationship by asking, “Do you love me?” Jesus was leading Peter through godly sorrow, which caused Peter to grieve. Grief is necessary to process and metabolize pain, loss, or disappointment. Peter was not concerned about the law, his goodness, or his wrongness. He was concerned about his relationship with Jesus. Peter’s actions affected the relationship, as does every action, and Jesus was restoring Peter by restoring the relationship.
Do you believe that guilt is good? Has guilt caused you to mature and grow? Has guilt produced the life of Christ in you? Is your focus on being good and right or on being loving and loved? The Resurrected Jesus did not ask Peter if he was good; he asked him do you love me?