She turned and said to Him, “Rabboni!” Jesus said to her, “Do not cling to me, for I have not ascended to my Father.”
John 20:16-17
Imagine Mary’s excitement at seeing Jesus. This is John’s first record of anyone seeing the Resurrected Christ. You can then imagine her difficulty in understanding why she could not hug or cling to the loved one she thought she had lost.
There have been many speculations about what this interaction means; some speculate that she could have been electrocuted by glory if she would have touched Him. The answer will not be debated here. What we do know is that something was different.
Perhaps a simple reading suggests only that Jesus needed to go to the Father but loved Mary enough to stop. It does not appear He was afraid of Mary misunderstanding the situation. This might have been a boundary for Jesus, and even though it could have felt like a brick wall to an emotionally charged Mary, Jesus does not seem to be bothered by that. That does not make Him insensitive or unloving. He loved her. He knew that. He also knew He had to go to the Father. What if nothing would have happened to Mary if she had clung to Him? Maybe He did not want to be late. Maybe He was simply being kind to Mary and faithful to finish the task the Father gave.
You do not have to fear being unloving if your heart is determined to love. This encounter reveals that Jesus set limits with Mary. As Christians, we are to be loving and kind, but loyalty must be properly placed. Jesus would not be pulled away from obedience because of Mary’s excitement. He recognized her emotions but was still able to set a limit because He had to go to the Father. He not only lived this way after the resurrection, but before. The gospels tell us that on more than one occasion, Jesus ignored the needs of many in order to minister to one. Jesus was not moved by need, but by the Father’s will. This does not mean He did not have compassion; it meant that His first obligation and devotion was to the Father’s will.
We can live under the huge burden of believing we must meet every need. In being truly loving, you are not responsible for everyone’s or anyone’s life, emotions, or responses except your own. We love and delight in the Lord first, and from that resource and relationship, are able to love others, being aware that we may have to set momentary limits in order to obey Him. The Resurrected Christ teaches us that setting healthy limits with others in order to obey the Father is not unloving, but Christ-like.
This is not a license to be unloving or unkind; it is liberation into a healthy perspective. Enjoy and obey God first, the rest will fall into place.